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Like so many Americans, Clare Crawley‘s personal life was rocked by the COVID-19 pandemic

Not only did she have to wait months for The Bachelorette to resume production, Clare was unable to spend any of that time with her beloved mom Lilia, who suffers from Alzheimer’s disease and dementia. During tonight’s season premiere, Clare documented the highs and lows of quarantining at home in Sacramento, Calif., where she stuck things out until her journey to find love finally got the green light to proceed. 

“This pandemic can literally crush people and it’s terrible,” she shared. “If it’s not loneliness from being by yourself for so long, it’s going crazy because you don’t know what’s gonna happen. I’m 39 and I might not ever get the chance to meet my husband.”

At one point, Clare is seen taking treats to her mom. “She lives in a care facility because of her Alzheimer’s and dementia,” the star explained. “I’m sure a lot of people are experiencing this as well, but it’s really hard for me to not be able to see her, to not be able to hug her. It’s hard.”